Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
