um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
