nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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