Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Apparently you make a good broom.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
