there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
