she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Be still, my beating vagina.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
