the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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