I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
