I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
