Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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