I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
