the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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