areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
