Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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