So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
