Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
