It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
