I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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