do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
