just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize