Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
