i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
