my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
