just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Alive.
So much puke
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize