My first STD was from a foam party
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
