In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
