Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
