i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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