well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
