I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
