getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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