Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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