Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
