I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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