He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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