you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
