I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
