my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
