Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
