i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
