i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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