since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
