its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
