I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
