I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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