i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
now i know why i became what i already was.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize