How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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