i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
