I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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