I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The adults are the big ones right?
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