so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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