every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
