Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
