Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
