mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
