I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
