The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
