I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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