you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
