The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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