what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
