You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
