Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
