wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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