i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
