Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
