Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
