i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
