I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
