my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
