I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
