a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
