Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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