I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
