my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
