he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
