you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
