What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
