There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he thought i was a dude.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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