Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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