thus making me awesome and them whores
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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