dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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