therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
