So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
