I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
