If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fuck appropriateness.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
