The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're so nebulous sometimes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
