My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
