It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
