Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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