The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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