im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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