I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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